Ahhhh, tough times

North Shore Survival

Each year the little strip of land that runs from Waimea Bay to Sunset Beach point gets inundated with visitors. They range from people who come to compete in contests, photographers, girlfriends, officials, girls looking to "bag" a prize, guys hoping they are the prize, wannabes and others that are so indescribable, they don't fall into any group.

Having said this, the few shop owners live for the five, perhaps six months each year to stick it to you where it hurts most; the wallet. For me, gone are the days of uninhibited spending and in are those of waiting for someone to throw away the Sunday paper so I can clip some coupons. Okay, the fat gut I carry around and the weekly disposal of empty wine bottles are poor indications to my claim but I've heard the stories of how to expertly stretch a mighty Greenback.

The one major place to shop on the North Shore will shock you in two ways. As you enter you'll feel like you've just walked into a refrigerator. Although they may claim that it's necessary to keep products fresh, my theory is they do this so when you walk up and see seven dollars for a gallon of milk, your mind is so frozen and you're fighting to keep warm, you kind of just grab things just to get out of there. It doesn't help that you're walking around barefoot because someone stole your sandals. By time you make it down the Top Ramen aisle, which is reasonably priced, you're too whacked out to even notice the girl in the bikini who's equally freezing, standing at attention. Haha.

Solution to avoid paying seven bucks a gallon? Have the courtesy to ask your roomies to spare you a cup, when they're not looking chug two and fill the missing cup with tap water. Okay, here's a better idea, take the bus up the hill to Wahiawa. Get on the bus, ask for a transfer that is good for two hours. Get off at Tamuras where prices are on average twenty five percent cheaper. The buck fifty you spend on bus fare is a wise investment. You'll be able to have a great weekly menu of Top Ramen, various pasta noodles, potatoes and rice. Don't forget your once a week Hawaiian steak; Spam, the mystery meat but oh so good to eat.

The next roadblock to get over is housing. Just a few years back finding a room when you arrived was a gamble, but if you had the funds you wouldn't have that hard of a time. These days youd be lucky to rent space under someones stairwell. Renters are also cracking down on how many people can actually stay. They're fed up with five people in one room a la Brazilian. Now, with recession hitting Japan the kamikazes glory days of the Turtle Bay Resort are long gone. Since many of them stay for long periods and they are all well mannered, renters on the main strip are all too happy to oblige to their requests. Well, tables have turned and more people are staying at the Turtle Bay as its nice, great for entertainment and even though it's expensive there's more than enough room to sublet space to desperate visitors. If worse comes to worse, nothing beats sleeping under the stars on quiet Ke Iki Beach. Ahh, I think Ill pass on that one and take my mosquito free bedroom and queen sized Sealy Posture Pedic.

So now you're set at the Turtle Bay but you're in another quandary; how the hell are you getting to the beach? I live on the beach so my bike is my means of transport. Scrapping rides with friends is a reliable source, catching the bus is another, hitchhiking is easy to do but unless you look like youre from Hawaii chances are, you'll end up farther from your original destination.

Play your cards right, hang out with the right people and you may be lucky enough to get invited to a Hawaiian party. Make sure never to turn down such an invitation as not only is it an insult but you will never find food as good, especially if you're on the scrapper budget. Being a fat boy, missing surf is well worth it to fulfil an invitation. If you're crafty and see a huge party that you're not invited to go home put on some nice clothes and do a walk up. If someone asks you who invited you, tell em "Junior" said it was okay. What's the worse that can happen to you?? Oh yeah, did I mention the hospital situation on the North Shore?